Clean-Up in Aisle 4
by Pyrahus
Summary: Finals Season is coming up and the residences of Fort ABC (the 6th floor, east wing in the undergrad residence) venture out to stock up their pantries. None of these boys should be allowed out in public without Combeferre's supervision.


Saturday mornings saw the residents of "Fort ABC" (as they had christened the floor they shared in residence) all tripping out of their doors for their biannual shopping trip. Though they usually went on their own, or in pairs, finals season was coming up and they had all unanimously agreed they needed to stock up, and that meant vehicles.

They ended up begging all those with cars to drive and Enjolras insisted a time be set. Combeferre just sighed and printed out a list of seating plans, after calling in backup. Marius lived off-campus but he was roped into the escapade anyways, as they needed to assemble as many cars as they could for the expedition (growing college boys have appetites that rival the GDP of a small nation) and Marius (to the glee of aforementioned college boys) drove an old 8-seat van, which smelt vaguely of lavender and old French fries.

By 11 AM, Combeferre had successfully retrieved everyone from their rooms and looked at the small convey of cars.

"Where shall we go?" he asked, wiping down his glasses, after Bossuet had accidentally flung some orange juice in his face when trying to get out of the door.

"Walmart?" Marius suggested hesitantly, "It's right down the road."

Enjolras nearly broke his neck whipping around to glare at his friend.

"Pontmercy, you better not be suggesting we support that disgusting transnational corporation! Have you not heard testimony after testimony of the tyrannical ways they treated their esteemed staff? I am appalled-"

"Okay, not that." Marius quickly rectified, sliding down in his seat in embarrassment. Courfeyrac grabbed Enjolras before he could climb on top of Combeferre's vehicle and continue to rant up at the windows of their dorms where a few heads had popped out to figure out who was making so much noise on a Saturday morning. Combeferre tapped out a message on his phone while Grantaire ended up sitting on top of Enjolras to muffle his indignant shouts.

_[11:11] Ferre: Thanks Courfeyrac, my car already has so many scratches from Enjolras' boots._

_[11:12] Courf: Don't even worry about it Ferre. We'll just call it even with the puns incident._

"Montreuil-sur-Mer?" Feuilly hazarded, thinking of the most politically correct place he could to avoid a boot to the face.

"No, that place closed down a few weeks ago, Mr Madeline left to go find himself or something." Bossuet piped up.

Jehan bounced impatiently on his moped, running his finger through the streamers he had placed on the handles, his legs and arms looking comically long in comparison to the lavender and flower-adorned creation.

"How about Digne's Groceries?"

"They don't serve gluten free goods."

"For fucks's sake, Enjolras. What does that even mean? I know for a fact you don't have a goddamned gluten allergy, you ass."

"Equality and fairness, Bahorel. Every store should allow access to such goods and I for one, will not support a shop that does not cater to everyone."

"Crowe's corner store?" Combeferre wanted to just end this discussion. He had studying to do when they got back.

"They definitely sell produce that are doused in a particularly bad brand of pesticides." Joly wrinkled his nose with distaste.

"Aaaand I might have gotten kicked out of there before." Bahorel admitted. No one decided to ask about that one.

They finally decided on "Musain's" at half past eleven, mostly because even Grantaire didn't want to argue about how hipser the place was.

* * *

When they finally arrived, Combeferre handed out grocery lists in which he and Joly had perfectly calculated to insure that all nutritional needs were met, according to height and weight, which inevitably were be stuffed into back pockets in favor of easier things, like canned soup and Mars bars ("2 for the price of 1, no one can argue with that!").

Joly caused a lineup when they went to retrieving carts because he meticulously wiped down the handlebar with his disinfectant wipes, so everyone waited as Grantaire (who had forgotten his coin) and Bahorel zipped back and forth across the parking lot, both riding on the cart. There was one narrow pass where they almost crashed into an old woman and Combeferre nearly had an ulcer on the spot.

When Combeferre had finally herded everyone into the store, like a mother hen, they split off to look for their own groceries.

They would inevitably ended up passing each other, as the store was rather small, giving out waves and inappropriate slaps to the rear in turns ("Courfeyrac, no, stop").

Grantaire and Bahorel eyed the other carts as they passed suspiciously, theirs still bare except for a single bottle of ketchup.

A crash startled them. Looking over, they saw Bossuet and Joly, one of them looking guiltily at the remains of a perfectly good olive oil bottle.

Looking around and confirming only the 4 of them had witnessed the tragedy, Bossuet nodded solemnly at them and they inched way in opposite directions, away from the glass and pooling liquid.

"Let's go find some snacks." Grantaire suggested after being tired of sharing the cart with only the lone ketchup bottle and their third trip past Enjolras and Combeferre.

When they reached the aisle, Bahorel held back an indignant shriek.

"Who the fuck bought all the sunflower and pumpkin seeds?"

Grantaire just ignored him and snagged a jar of Nutella.

* * *

Enjolras' looked at the bag of pumpkin seeds skeptically.

"I can't even tell of these are organic or not. Tell me," he hissed bringing the bag closer to his face, "Did the sweat of the poor go into your harvest?"

Combeferre decided not to mention the fact that Enjolras' cart was filled with the bags of pumpkin seeds and pretended to be examining his list. Marius ended up looking at the ceiling awkwardly. This didn't last too long as they heard a quiet hiss.

"Psst. Combeferre."

Combeferre looked around before catching sight of movement between the shelves an bend down to peer through to the other aisle. Courfeyrac's sunny face was on the other side of the small gap, between two cookie boxes.

"Courf?" he asked incredulous.

"Shh!"

"What do you want?"

"You cook with Jehan a lot don't you? What kind of cookies does he like?"

"I don't- I don't know! Why are you talking me through the aisle?"

"It's a secret mission! 007 style! You are my Quartermaster, except not nearly as pretty Ben Whishaw. But you still have that horn-rim glasses, absent-minded librarian look going so I'd still make out with you if we got drunk enough."

"Courfeyrac, you've tried before, sober. Last Friday, in fact, when you handed in your theatre history essay and ran in screaming 'Smeagol is free'."

Enjolras leaned down.

"What in the name of Patria is going on here?"

Apparently he raised his voice too loud because Courfeyrac was quickly sticking the box back to fill the gap and Jean could be heard.

"Courf? Sorry, I couldn't find you for a sec there. I was by the floral section and I got so caught up in trying to decide what to get today. I first wanted the daises but then the lilies looked so lovely and the jasmine smelt just perfect. And then I noticed the tulip bulbs and could imagine our kitchen with tulips sitting in pots-"

Jean's voice faded as Courfeyrac evidently lead him away.

"What was that about?"

Combeferre shrugged.

"Who knows what goes on in our esteemed Courfeyrac's head."

"An opera probably." Marius said dreamily, evidently thinking about Cosette again and their date that evening.

Enjolras made a face and stomped into the freezer section.

Combeferre's phone buzzed.

[11:34] Courf: Going into deep cover, maintain radio silence.  
[11:35] Ferre: I'm not even going to ask.

* * *

"Holy bejesus, did any of you asswaffles know that you could just microwave KD?" Bahorel crowed, holding a box of twelve over his head in triumph. If he had sprouted two extra arms, he'd pound his chest like a caveman and bellow. Grantaire remained sitting in the cart, juggling his three jars of Nutella.

"Microwave KD?" Feuilly looked down the aisle.

"Asswaffles?!" Enjolras' voice carried over the rows of items where he was examining organic bananas.

"What are you lot doing here?" A new voice cut in. Grantaire looked up at the sound.

"Gav, is that you?"

Courfeyrac located the young boy first and tossed him into the air while Jean laughed, tugging his cart of flowers behind him.

It turned out that Eponine was working as one of the tiny shop's only tills.

At the sight of her, the boys quickly finished up shopping and began to line up (Bosseut and Joly tried to use self-checkout but during Bossuet's transaction, the machine shrieked loudly before spitting all it's paper out on the floor and shutting down).

Eponine looked down at the long line of them unimpressedly.

"You lot are so domestic right now, it kills me." she announced as the watched them all scramble to help the first person (Jehan) get all his groceries onto the belt, trying their best not to crush or ruin any of the flowers and plants he had purchased.

Prouvaire just smiled sweetly and tugged one of the carnations he had braided into his hair loose, reaching over the counter to tuck it behind Eponine's ear.

"Sorry, we didn't realize you were working today, or else we wouldn't have all gotten so many things." he stage-whispered at her. She laughed, working quickly to scan all his items as he dug out several reusable bags out of his tote. Very soon, a pretty little assembly line had formed, all helping each other bag, move and carry their items. Despite all the inter-personal dramatic instances, the group truly were attuned to each other and worked extremely well together when the time came.

The only hiccup happened when it was Feuilly's turn. His cart was filled to the brim with Spaghetti-Os. When everyone just eyed him with varying levels of amusement, he frowned defensively.

"What? They make me feel like I'm consuming knowledge. In tomatoes."

Grantaire lost it at that and ended up clutching Enjolras for balance.

"I also happen to have coupons for these." He announced, fishing out a bulging wallet and carefully finding the aforementioned coupons, amongst all the clippings he had shoved into the poor wallet.

Courfeyrac peered over his shoulder.

"What the hell are you doing with coupons for women's tights and baby forumla?"

"I can trade it with the other people in my coupon group for things more relevant to my needs."

They all stopped and stared for a moment. Bahorel stuttered in horror.

"Oh, Jesus-F.-Christ-on-a-stick, my room mate is an extreme couponer and he has extreme couponer friends. Someone call TLC."

Joly's efforts to suppress his giggles did not work as they punctuated Bossuet's deeper chuckles. Eponine just rolled her eyes with exasperation as she began to pass each slip of paper under her scanner. Feuilly ended up putting Bahorel in a chokehold, the two of them rolling on the floor. Grantaire took a picture, like the avid user of Instagram he was.

* * *

Combeferre brought up the rear of their shopping group at the till, after Eponine threatened to throw Enjolras out if he asked her one more time if some item was fair-trade or whatnot.

As he worked on paying, the others headed for their vehicles, beginning to plot how they would stack up all their food among their vehicles.

"Eponine, so sorry for the trouble we've caused you today," he murmured quietly as he waited patiently. She laughed, shaking her head.

"No, in the end, it's always good to see you."

Her movements dislodged the pink carnation that Jehan had given her and before he could stop himself, he reached over to tuck it back in place. Eponine just smiled at him and continued to work. Combeferre, on the other hand, took to wiping his glasses on his shirt as he was wont to do when he was getting flustered in any way.

When he had said goodbye to Eponine and Gavroche; the boy had extracted a promise from him to visit soon (he was very clever), he walked out into the parking lot in time to see Jean giving each and every one of the group a flower to hold in their lap, since he was afraid the cold and the wind would ruin them on his moped.

Taking the pot of snapdragons that Jean gave him, he piled up his bags on top of the impressive wall they had created in the trunk of Marius' van, trying to ignore the shrieks of laughter from within.

Sliding into his vehicle beside Enjolras, he smiled.

"Alright, fearless leader. Let's get these restless revolutionaries home."


End file.
